If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
