I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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