Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
