My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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