it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
