i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
