He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
