You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
