Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
