i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
