I want to walk on stilts...naked
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
