your room smells of hookers.
And success
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
