it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
