Too much gin, very little bucket
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
