we made out on top of his cat.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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