if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
