11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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