Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
