is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
