Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
