Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
