wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
