Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I will pee on everything he values.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
