I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
