under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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