Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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