he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
