I swear she didn't look like that last week.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
