Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
