is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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