i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
