My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
