i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
