I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
