drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
