My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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