If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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