So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
