she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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