That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
