and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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