Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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