May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
