remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
