my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Let's get the cat blown out
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
