Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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