he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
