Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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