The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
do herpes really smell.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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