maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
