Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize